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Centre Employees Newsletter

The Centre Employees Newsletter

Read all the Centre scoop right here.

 

Latest News

Holiday 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Muddy Buddy RecipeWe all know SL-8 has the best snacks, so when inquiring minds sought to find out the source of these delectable delights, we looked no further than Felicity’s workspace to get the low down on a holiday treat.Ingredients:1 box Chex (or similar rice...

read more

September 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

A TASTY TREAT This month's recipe comes from Michelle Lucca Stamatis from the Psychogenic Research Department in one of our satellite facilities.  She says that Nicholas, her son, considers this favorite dessert and it is very easy (and healthy) to make! Ingredients:...

read more

August 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

LOST LUGGAGE A cadre of budget analysts on their recent retreat in the south of Chile had a horrific experience- their luggage, including their Centre-issued computers, were stolen from the baggage claim! We suspect foul play, possibly involving a certain Pretender,...

read more

July 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

BASTILLE DAY The French Annex celebrated Bastille Day in a big way this year! The staff pulled numerous all-nighters to prepare for the grand festivities, the largest of which they cannot wait to share with Operatives from the rest of the world! But they have informed...

read more

June 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Free Candy! The cherubic faces over in the daycare center convinced Miss Kylie that the best way to celebrate the end of the school year would be to hold a Candy Appreciation Day on the 29th from 8am-3pm. Stop by the children’s wing for a grab-bag of your favorite...

read more

May 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

SPRING BREAK Since we received numerous complaints last year, management feels the need to reiterate that there are travel restrictions in place for Spring Break, and all retreats to Cancun are to be postponed to Autumn. Additionally, Sweepers may detoured from their...

read more

April 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

CAN YOU RUN THE EXTRA MILE? May 10th, you will be able to prove your sprinting skills with a 5K fun run around the Centre’s campus, sponsored by the Sweeper Extracurricular Association and the Centre’s Jogging Team. Be sure to have appropriate running gear – walking...

read more

March 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

EXTRATERRESTRIAL ABDUCTION DAY! The Centre’s Xenoarcheology Department will be sponsoring an exhibit in the Main Concourse this week in honor of the International ET Abduction Day. They have been hard at work with the Area-51 Annex and are thrilled to present asteroid...

read more

The Centre Annexes

THE CHASE BEGINS!

The Books

Saving Luke

saving luke

Rebirth

rebirth

Pretender Universe

Welcome to the Pretender Universe




A taste of things to come



While the Pretender is and always will be the core of all things related to the Centre – The Pretender Universe itself is vast, unpredictable, forceful and provocative in it’s own right.

And it has begun to rise.

In the near future we will begin revealing and exploring the many corners of that universe and how they are all tied together.

We invite all visitors to The Pretender Lives, members of the Centre Annexes as well as all Pretender Fans around the world to join in with us as The Pretender Universe emerges for us all to explore.

Yes – so very much more…and it’s all in the palm of your hand…

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Shakespeare

Meet the Centre Annexes

Meet the Centre Annexes, the approved affiliated fan sites and find how you can apply.

CE News

For Centre Employees only
Read the newsletters: CE News

Catherine's Diary

For the first time ever, fans will be able to peek into a very special book steeped in Pretender lore, one hand written by Catherine Parker herself. It and the long-held secrets it contains will only be found in the Pretender Universe.

Welcome to Paradise

If you were intrigued by the paranoid town in CORN MAN then be careful which off-ramp you choose – you’ll be blown away by the conspiracies in a planned community designed and run by the Centre – a hamlet known simply as Paradise. What could possibly go wrong?

Patterns

If you liked ONCE IN A BLUE MOON you’ll love this twisted series of investigative thriller novels – stories that can only be found in the Pretender Universe.

Pieces of Mind

Sometimes you have to be crazy to be a hero.

Centre U.

Sydney once asked Miss Parker, “You were such a happy little girl, what happened to you?” If you’d like the answers to that question you will be able to follow the exploits of Miss Parker in her growing years finding her way into adulthood – the missing years – the years she was sent away to learn the tricks of the Centre trade – the years she spent her days at Centre U.

Catherine Parker's recipe book

Catherine Parker’s recipe book with all of her favorite recipes. Who knows what else Catherine Parker has written in here.

Holiday 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Muddy Buddy Recipe

We all know SL-8 has the best snacks, so when inquiring minds sought to find out the source of these delectable delights, we looked no further than Felicity’s workspace to get the low down on a holiday treat.

Ingredients:

  • 1 box Chex (or similar rice based cereal)
  • 1.5 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
  • .75 cup peanut butter
  • .5 cup butter
  • 1.25 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 5 cups powdered sugar

Empty box of cereal into a large bowl.  In another bowl, microwave the chocolate chips, peanut butter, and butter until smooth.  Stir in vanilla extract.  Pour mixture over cereal, being careful not to over-mix.  Finally, add powdered sugar, and put in a plastic bag.  Shake to have the ingredients mix together, and enjoy!

Sydney’s Secret Santa and White Elephant Gift Exchange

While it’s true that the Psychogenic Research department is the only office at the Centre to have their holiday party while their Thanksgiving turkey is still edible, we were in for a treat with their annual gift exchange. Thank you to all who participated… we enjoyed the plethora of surprises this year (the shrunken head and the formaldehyde fingers notwithstanding…).  The goodies served at the dessert bar were excellent, as always, but the spiked egg nog caused some concern, especially under the mistletoe (office gossip is at quite a roar speculating on the identity of the mystery woman kissing Mr. Lyle).  The holidays are always a special time at the Centre, and this year certainly was no exception!

Urgent Memo from the Centre Annexes in France

Jarod has leaked a very important, highly confidential Centre communique from the French Annex, code-named

<<Le Caméléon: Renaissance. >>  

While the contents of this communiqué are highly confidential, we know that there are details of strategy and secret projects that could prove highly detrimental to the functioning of the Centre. 

We know that the document can be found on Amazon.fr, so if you see a copy, please let your supervisor know immediately!

Desk Contest Winner

We are thrilled to announce that our website guru, Miss Jacci of the Tech Room, has won the desk contest we announced in our previous Centre Employees’ Newsletter. 

Her supervisor submitted her entry, which is attached, citing her excellent organizational skills and commitment to furthering the goals of the Centre as a rationale for this prestigious award. 

We are thrilled to present her with a personalized parking spot in the front lot of the Centre for the next year!  Congratulations!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

The Books

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

September 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

A TASTY TREAT

This month’s recipe comes from Michelle Lucca Stamatis from the Psychogenic Research Department in one of our satellite facilities.  She says that Nicholas, her son, considers this favorite dessert and it is very easy (and healthy) to make!

Ingredients:

  • 3 Bananas (Chopped and Frozen)
  • 1 Heaping Tbsp Peanut Butter
  • 2-3 Tbsp Cocoa Powder
  • 1 Tbsp Honey

Step 1: Throw all ingredients into a blender/food processor, mash until creamy.

Step 2: Eat Up!

This is at least 2 servings, and can be topped with sprinkles, chocolate chips, fruit, or other delicious delights.  It can be re-frozen in Tupperware to be dessert for several days.  Enjoy!

A Hacker’s “Sole” Mate

As some of you may have noticed, our mainframe was compromised by an unnamed hacker late last week.  While this is not the first time we’ve had our security compromised, this was the first time we had a fashion-forward intruder.   Our IT Department strongly apologizes for the receipt of any emails to your corporate accounts for shoe deals that sounded too good to be true. We know some of you were enticed and even followed the link (please refer to your Annual Security Training regarding NOT clicking such links), only to find yourselves on other less advisable websites.  We have been advised that no personal or sensitive information was compromised.  For those of you disappointed by the Jimmy Choo hijinks, Blue Cove Suede Shoes will be offering a 15% discount for anyone with a Centre Employee ID throughout the month of October (20% if there is an Elvis sighting!).

MEET LEANNE IN THE PR DEPARTMENT!

Leanne, a Communications Specialist in the Public Relations Department has provided us with a brief interview about her very important job here at the Centre.

Q: How were you recruited to the Centre?
A: I was working for a think tank in a similar role and was head-hunted by the head of the department. The offer was attractive so I took it. 
Q: Tell us a little about your job- what do you do on a day to day basis?
A: I generally field queries from the local media and send out press releases. I also make sure the field staff are fully briefed on the dos and don’ts of speaking to the media.
 
Q: What advice would you give new recruits to the Centre?
A: Know your field of expertise inside and out but be smart about it. Keep your head down and try not to play office politics. 
 
Q: And lastly, what is a fun fact about yourself?
A: I write fiction in my spare time and have published one novel already. Other than that, I’m pretty boring. 

If you would like to be the next employee featured in the monthly newsletter, please email tower@thepretender.org and management will be in touch!

Photo Contest for ALL Employees!

It’s “improve your office” month here at the Centre.  We know that sometimes the Centre seems rather stark and dour looking (chrome and white doesn’t do it for some people), so in an effort to eliminate the plainness, we are instituting a mood-enhancing office renovation. We want to turn things around and encourage your to improve your space by initiating a “best desk” contest.  Please submit photos of your office, desk, workspace, or even desktop background to tower@thepretender.org and we will publish our favorites next month.  Our ASSMO, Emily, will be on duty this week with supplies for you to make your area the best design around!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

August 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

LOST LUGGAGE

A cadre of budget analysts on their recent retreat in the south of Chile had a horrific experience- their luggage, including their Centre-issued computers, were stolen from the baggage claim! We suspect foul play, possibly involving a certain Pretender, his father, or other members of their family. We are seeking information on this incident, the return of the equipment, and and leads on our missing asset. The Tower has authorized a very handsome reward of “riches beyond your wildest dreams,” so please send all tips to centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com.

ID BADGE ISSUES

Security has informed us that we have had a recent uptick in employees “forgetting” their badges at home. We will be instituting a new policy of three strikes- if you forget a fourth time, Mr. Parker has authorized use of “extreme measures” to ensure no further incidents. While the specifics have not yet been released, we have been told that it involves superglue, hair dryers, glitter, and paint thinner. Be forewarned.

MEET ERICA IN THE DECODING DEPARTMENT!

Erica in the Decoding Department has provided us with a brief interview about her very important job here at the Centre, where she has been working diligently on Project Renaissance, facilitating the coordination of our main headquarters and the French Annex.
Q: Erica, how did you get this job?
A: Haha, I remember this so well! It was right after I graduated from University. I was visiting a job fair and got approached by someone who asked me if I’d be interested in a position related to translations. This being my first job search day, you can imagine how excited I was! I tried to contain myself and replied politely, “Of course, what company do you work for?”
Smiling widely, the man answered “Great! We will be expecting you tomorrow at 10 am, is that good for you?” Still slightly under shock to be so lucky, I stuttered, “Yes, sure, but which company is it, where do I have to go?”
So he handed me over his card; written in relief and golden letters, I see the words “the Centre”, and on the back of the card the name “Dr. Sydney Günterläde, Psychiatrist” followed by an address… Which got me thinking…? What kind of place would need a translator and a psychiatrist… Hopefully not a dangerous one… but I could not think about it any longer, as Sydney was already shaking my hand “Perfect, see you tomorrow then Miss Bougainvillea!” And he disappeared in the crowd, just as he had appeared… when it hit me… I never told him my name…
I decided to go straight home and do some research on this company. After hours of research, I thought this was getting weirder and weirder… It was impossible to find a website or any valuable information on this company called “the Centre,” aside from something about a Water Treatment Plant, which only added additional confusion. I was getting super nervous and was unable to sleep…
The following day, when I got to the Centre, I thought ok, this neither looks like a Water Treatment Plant, nor like a mental health facility… but I decided to go in anyways… and what I saw, heard and lived… [cough] well, that’s confidential.
Q: What is your favorite part of working at the Centre?
A: I just love the international character of the company. Every day I get to speak to colleagues from all over the world, which is a great practise of all the languages I learned! I am also fascinated by all the projects I get, there is truly never a dull moment!
Q: What advice would you give to new Centre employees to ensure their success here?
A: Be smart. Think. Act wisely. Train your mental strength… And most importantly, don’t be too curious.
If you would like to be the next employee featured in the monthly newsletter, please email tower@thepretender.org and management will be in touch!

Recipe – CHICKEN POT PIE CASSEROLE

Edna Raines loved cooking this easy dinner for her husband and daughter.  She shared this recipe with Catherine Parker, and we are excited to share it all with you this month.

Ingredients

  • 2 Eggs
  • 3 Cups Frozen Hash Browns (Breakfast Potatoes)
  • Salt and Pepper
  • 1 Package Frozen Mixed Vegetables (16 oz)
  • 1 Tin Cream of Mushroom Soup (10.75 oz)
  • 1 Cup Chopped Chicken (Cooked)
  • 2 Tbsp Butter (Melted)
  • 1/2 Cup Bread Crumbs

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease a 9-inch square baking dish.
  2. Beat eggs together in a bowl. Add hash browns and mix well; season with salt and pepper. Press hash brown mixture into the prepared baking dish.
  3. Bake in the preheated oven until crust is lightly browned, about 15 minutes.
  4. Mix vegetables, cream of mushroom soup, and chicken together in a bowl and spread over the crust; top with bread crumbs. Drizzle butter over bread crumb layer and season with salt and pepper.
  5. Bake in the preheated oven until heated through and bread crumbs are lightly browned, about 30 minutes.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

July 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

BASTILLE DAY

The French Annex celebrated Bastille Day in a big way this year! The staff pulled numerous all-nighters to prepare for the grand festivities, the largest of which they cannot wait to share with Operatives from the rest of the world! But they have informed us that because it is a very big secret (kept in the same vault as the scrolls!), we will have to send extra security to Paris in preparation. We will be deploying all non-lifeguarding Sweepers and Cleaners to the City of Lights in preparation for this big reveal. Management warns all employees that bribery of any member of the Tower or Triumvirate will result in a swift trip to see Mr. Raines’s personal collection of animal-print undergarments.

BLUE COVE LIBRARY BOOK SALE

We have been asked to share with the staff that the library system will be holding its annual book sale in the lobby next week, and all are invited! In addition to great books, there will be wonderful gifts for sale, including a copy of the film Ski Patrol autographed by its writers,
blank red notebooks for all your journaling needs, and extra large bag of lollipops (courtesy of Brigitte). We encourage you all to come out and support the great cause! The department with the biggest turnout will win a pizza party at Mr. Lyle’s expense (just don’t tell him that).

SESSIONS WITH SYD

The Psychogenic Research Department is offering very precious time with its Director, Dr. Sydney, to air out any grievances, discuss any personal problems, or describe those feelings of unrequited love you have for your co-workers. Fear not, we will treat your sessions with extreme confidence (right, Broots?) and there will be no impact on your official Centre Employee Record. To sign up, email tower@thepretender.org today!

Recipe – Posole

We have received numerous requests for the delicious recipe shared by Mr. Gazp, husband of Mr. Parker’s personal secretary. The delicious soup, Posole, is great as the temperature cools down in Blue Cove this fall. ENJOY!

 

Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup dried chiles de arbol
  • 4 or 5 dried ancho chiles
  • 6 cloves garlic (2 smashed, 4 finely chopped)
  • Kosher salt
  • 2 pounds boneless pork shoulder, trimmed and cut in half
  • 2 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
  • 1 large white onion, chopped
  • 8 cups low-sodium chicken broth
  • 1 tablespoon dried oregano
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 3 15 -ounce cans white hominy, drained and rinsed
  • Diced avocado, shredded cabbage, diced onion, sliced radishes and/or fresh cilantro, for topping

Directions

Break the stems off the chiles de arbol and ancho chiles and shake out as many seeds as possible. Put the chiles in a bowl and cover with boiling water; weigh down the chiles with a plate to keep them submerged and soak until soft. Transfer the chiles and 1 1/2 cups of the soaking liquid to a blender. Add the smashed garlic and 1/2 teaspoon salt and blend until smooth. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl, pushing the sauce through with a rubber spatula; discard the solids.

Rub the pork all over with the cumin and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside. Heat the vegetable oil in a Dutch oven or pot over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, about 5 minutes. Add the chopped garlic and cook 2 minutes. Increase the heat to medium high. Push the onion and garlic to one side of the pot; add the pork to the other side and sear, turning, until lightly browned on all sides, about 5 minutes.

Stir in 2 cups water, the chicken broth, oregano, bay leaf, 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of the chile sauce (depending on your taste). Bring to a low boil, then reduce the heat to maintain a simmer. Partially cover and cook, turning the pork a few times, until tender, about 3 hours.

Stir in the hominy and continue to simmer, uncovered, until the pork starts falling apart, about 1 more hour. Remove the bay leaf. Transfer the pork to a cutting board; roughly chop and return to the pot. Add some water or broth if the posole is too thick. Season with salt. Serve with assorted toppings and the remaining chile sauce.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

June 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Free Candy!

The cherubic faces over in the daycare center convinced Miss Kylie that the best way to celebrate the end of the school year would be to hold a Candy Appreciation Day on the 29th from 8am-3pm.
Stop by the children’s wing for a grab-bag of your favorite sweet snacks- the kids are decorating especially for this occasion, so be sure to support their efforts!
Sydney wanted to remind any participants that, given the nature of the holiday, feeding Dara any sort of sweets (especially grape lollipops) will result in immediate disciplinary measures. Rumor has it the Sim Lab floors are in need of a good scrubbing… with a very small brush!

Notes from the Tower

As rampant rumor has spread throughout the sub-levels, the vault in the Ellesmere Island Research Station was breached last week, though our biology department adamantly reassures us it was not by a Qallupilluit.
We believe the culprit was an escaped asset or a member of his family, and we are requesting that any un-diverted resources be immediately sent to the Arctic Circle to investigate this security breach and upgrade our systems.
If you see any files from the Vault posted online, to social media, or sent via email, please inform Mrs. Gazp immediately at tower@thepretenderlives.com. Brigitte said she will even give informants access to her lollipop stash for a day.

WILLS AND TRUSTS

The legal department, in a continued effort to be more transparent and community-oriented, has contracted with Mr. Sprunk, the lawyer for the Parker family, to provide free services for wills, trusts, and estates for all Centre employees.
The Tower feels that limiting such services to their own membership is rather elitist, and hopes that having such measures in place will be better risk-management, especially given the number of on-the-job incidents that have occurred within the past decade- mainly in the pursuit of certain Centre assets.
Note: any employees sent to Ellesmere Island must complete this service beforehand, as it will cover any Qallupilluit-related mishaps!

Delphine Creek Beach Revitalization

Thanks to the environmental science department and their dedicated team of tireless employees who have spent many nights and weekends (no, they were not under duress, contrary to popular opinion) cleaning up the shoreline along the south side of the cove leading into Delphine Creek.
We are very pleased to announce that we will open it as a private beach beginning the 30th of this month. Applications will be taken on a first come, first served basis, and selection criteria for usage of the beach will be dependent upon time serving the Centre, risk associated with each specific job, and financial contributions to the retirement fund.
No, this does not mean that only Mr. Parker will qualify… we have a very welcoming mathematical scheme that will be quite fair, as Mr. Raines’s office assures us. The Sweepers and Associates will be rotating through lifeguard duty, so rest assured- all will be kept safe!

Vania’s Birthday Bash!

June 28th is one of the favorite holidays at the Data Annex in Portugal, and we are going to celebrate it across the Centre family of satellite offices, research stations, and annexes in unprecedented style!
Miss Parker has graciously agreed to relinquish her jet privileges for the day, so we will be hosting a world-wide picnic in honor of Miss Vania, our trusty transportation coordinator. Her husband, Sweeper Pedro, will be coordinating each celebration to feature her favorite foods, a display of her best crafts, and the collection of presents to bring to her office in Blue Cove (but please avoid giving him anything that could cause a concussion… he has had enough trauma for a long time after the incident at the hospital in New York!).
Look for sign up lists this week- we want to make this the best birthday ever!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

May 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

SPRING BREAK

Since we received numerous complaints last year, management feels the need to reiterate that there are travel restrictions in place for Spring Break, and all retreats to Cancun are to be postponed to Autumn.
Additionally, Sweepers may detoured from their normal tours of duty for reassignment to look after the children of high level executives, however there is a cap on the amount of funds that may be spent while on offsite travel.
Such funds do not cover any sort of bail for breaking the law, as that is not a legitimate executive expense.
If you think you qualify for this children-monitoring program, please email Mrs. Gazp at centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com to apply.

RESTAURANT WEEK

It has come to our attention that it is, once again, Blue Cove Restaurant Week.
While we are thrilled that our Executive Chef Dani is being awarded the Golden Peach Blossom Award (an 18K gold edible statue resembling the state flower of Delaware that will be on display in the lobby next week), we would like to instill that lunch is thirty minutes and any employees found taking “sick leave” to go restaurant hopping will be subject to volunteering for Sydney’s annual sleep-deprivation experiment occurring this Saturday.
Unrelatedly, all Tower meetings this week scheduled between the hours of 11am-2pm are cancelled for confidential reasons.

CALLING ALL SHARP MINDS…

We have been contracted by “Psychology Tomorrow” magazine to provide a study on body language and mind reading, using several of our well-known assets, including Dara, Elizabeth, Mikey, and David.
If you are interested in participating, we will offer credit time at the rate of $19/hr. Additionally, the post-doctoral assistants in Sydney’s lab have just published a joint paper on the effects of juvenile detention and appetite, which will be featured on the bulletin board in the lab wing.
They will offer snacks on Tuesday from 1-2pm in honor of their publication, and we can promise you that consuming one will not have any adverse side effects like last time (did that rash ever heal, Joan in SL-12?).

CELEBRATING CATHERINE PARKER

cpmonogramSince May is the month of Mothers, Mr. Parker cordially invites all staff to the unveiling of the new Catherine Parker library on May 29th at 9am.
The dedication ceremony will feature Catherine’s favorite artwork, including our recent acquisition of Berthe Morisot’s “Young Woman at the Mirror,” a recitation of Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Less Traveled” by the children in the daycare center, and refreshments of Catherine’s favorite food, including Beignets fresh from New Orleans and Peach Cobbler.
The coordinating committee formally requests all attendees to wear their favorite shade of blue and to take home a favor of a potted flower bulb to plant in Catherine’s honor- and the honor of all mothers everywhere.
Quoting one of her favorite phrases, “And under the hand of God, ye little children shall never be lost.”

UNCLE SAM SAYS…

November elections are soon approaching and we would like to remind all employees that we are under contract with the State of Delaware to provide polling equipment for all jurisdictions.
As there have been issues in the past with uploading “mysterious” software to each unit that somehow results in Mr. Raines being elected to the position of “Centre Toilet Scrubber,” among other things, Kris will be monitoring each unit through the Ice Cube to ensure that we are in compliance with all election regulations. The Triumvirate office of Mr. Adama sends the message that there is to be no embarrassment this year.
As we learned from Extron, our cyber competitor who held this contract last year (and lost it due to a similar mishap), all employees (and their extremities) are replaceable. Mr. Lyle’s thumb can attest to that.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

April 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

CAN YOU RUN THE EXTRA MILE?

May 10th, you will be able to prove your sprinting skills with a 5K fun run around the Centre’s campus, sponsored by the Sweeper Extracurricular Association and the Centre’s Jogging Team.
Be sure to have appropriate running gear – walking shoes will damage your knees and feet and can ultimately ruin the whole experience for you, and we want you to have fun! Supervisors will be granting 2 hours administrative leave for participants.
The entry fee is $10 and you will get a free t-shirt and water bottle after the race! The jogging team also has running gear available for purchase in SL-9. Sign up today, by emailing centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com, and specify whether you are a novice or advanced runner.
Our Executive Chef and staff will be providing fresh fruit and water stations along the route, but be sure to stay hydrated! We don’t want and fainting or collisions in the course!

COMMUNITY GARDENING CLUB

Grab your shovels and let’s start working!
Starting this month, for all garden and farming enthusiasts, we will be opening small plots on our northern grounds. If you want to enroll in the program, please talk to the MO and fill out the enclosed form.
Our soil and temperature is perfect for strawberries, tomatoes and lettuce, perfect for our chef to use on his amazing dishes. Please- no flesh eating botanicals… we have plenty in our labs and they are quite a handful!

PERFORMANCE AWARDS

Last year, Amalia Gazp received the highly desired Catherine Parker Award for Service to the Centre. May will bring about our annual Awards Ceremony, so please send nominations to centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com by May 1 for this year’s winner. We promise the prizes will be a scream!

ASSMO PRESENTS: FIRE PREVENTION UPDATE

For security reasons, the Blue Cove City Council requests our compliance in the annual fire drill and emergency preparedness seminar to ensure all employees are aware how to proceed in case of fire or an emergency.

The Centre prides itself on being fire-free since 1987, when a huge blaze consumed an entire sub-level, but being safe is always our priority. Because of that, attendance is mandatory.  We will have members of the Centre’s Volunteer Fire Brigade on hand before and after the training to answer any questions.  Miss Emily, the ASSMO, has been recently elected Chief of the squad and can be reached if there is interest in volunteering.

To complete your fire and emergency training requirement, the course will occur at 9am, next Friday, April 17th. Bring comfortable shoes and light clothes as you will be moving a lot. Proceed as usual until the alarm sounds, then follow your supervisor’s instructions.  All employees with any sort of portable oxygen system must take a prerequisite course in bodily safety.  Keep an eye out in your email for scheduling next week.

 

AFTER HOURS PARTY

All employees are invited for Miss Jacci’s Birthday Party on the 29th. No special attire is necessary, but some discretion is advisable (wearing only a Speedo- leopard print or not- will result in dismissal from the party after what happened last year) and Ms. Kylie is requesting no crop tops either. We are, after all, a family oriented company, and we would like to avoid having the entire lower division in the day care attempt to cut up their clothes in imitation.
We understand other co-workers are celebrating their birthdays this month as well. Please speak to the Christina in the HR department to book your party or to join this one. Finally, the board appreciates that all noise is kept to a minimum as not to disturb the residents. Thanks!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

March 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

EXTRATERRESTRIAL ABDUCTION DAY!

The Centre’s Xenoarcheology Department will be sponsoring an exhibit in the Main Concourse this week in honor of the International ET Abduction Day. They have been hard at work with the Area-51 Annex and are thrilled to present asteroid art, moonrock munchies, and alien activities for employees of all ages.
Make sure you stop by- the exhibit will be open 24/7 with special activities planned in the Observatory each night. In the words of Project Coordinator Linda, they are simply “out of this world!”

ANNUAL TULIP FESTIVAL

It has come to our attention that it is, once again, Blue Cove Restaurant Week.

The horticultural society here at the Centre is pleased to announce their annual spring gardening day in the biotracts. They are particularly thrilled about the crop of tulips that has started to blossom, and would like to assure all planning on attending that the herbicide used is completely harmless.

Risk Management, however, would offer a word of precaution and recommends that lunch not be taken there for the next two weeks or so, and any Sweepers, Cleaners, or Associates who use the biotracts to hunt game or for target practice are urged to find another location for the time being.

Celebrity Sightings?

Fresh off of winning nearly every television-related award these last few months, Dean McCann, star of the hit show “Bayou Blue” has been seen around the halls of the Centre. He is lobbying against agitated residents in Vancouver, B.C. and we are very proud to announce he is one of the Centre’s new client line up.

If you spot his dazzling smile or sparkling blue eyes in the cafeteria or elevator, please refrain from autographs or “selfies.” He is just as normal as Mr. Raines.

Baby Parker’s Birthday Party

Mr. Parker is excusing all Centre Employees for the celebration of Baby Parker’s birthday this year.  In addition to cake served in all commissaries and snack bars, there will be a carnival in the north lawn, at the specific request of the ASSMO.

Popcorn and cotton candy will be available, as well as select rides and a dunk tank. A signup sheet is on the intranet and we are thrilled to see that Mr. Lyle and Mr. Raines have both signed up!

We ask everyone in the science departments to ensure that there is coverage on all ongoing experiments if project coordinators are planning to attend.

We do not want a repeat of last year’s animal stampede in SL-2. Many thanks for your cooperation.

 

ARG FUN FOR ALL!

Christian Bradley (or Bradley Christian? Management can never get his name right) has offered to teach “ARG for Advanced Dummies” in the Alternate Reality Holosuite next to the Tech Room!

Please bring an injury release form, a computer (no, Mari, those new computer watches do not count), and your imagination.

Fees will be $10 per session, mainly to cover the gourmet snacks we will be bringing in from the new Organic Food Truck that will be making rounds throughout the Centre grounds this month.

Stay tuned for menus and more details!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

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