June 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER
The cherubic faces over in the daycare center convinced Miss Kylie that the best way to celebrate the end of the school year would be to hold a Candy Appreciation Day on the 29th from 8am-3pm.
Stop by the children’s wing for a grab-bag of your favorite sweet snacks- the kids are decorating especially for this occasion, so be sure to support their efforts!
Sydney wanted to remind any participants that, given the nature of the holiday, feeding Dara any sort of sweets (especially grape lollipops) will result in immediate disciplinary measures. Rumor has it the Sim Lab floors are in need of a good scrubbing… with a very small brush!
Notes from the Tower
As rampant rumor has spread throughout the sub-levels, the vault in the Ellesmere Island Research Station was breached last week, though our biology department adamantly reassures us it was not by a Qallupilluit.
We believe the culprit was an escaped asset or a member of his family, and we are requesting that any un-diverted resources be immediately sent to the Arctic Circle to investigate this security breach and upgrade our systems.
If you see any files from the Vault posted online, to social media, or sent via email, please inform Mrs. Gazp immediately at firstname.lastname@example.org. Brigitte said she will even give informants access to her lollipop stash for a day.
WILLS AND TRUSTS
The legal department, in a continued effort to be more transparent and community-oriented, has contracted with Mr. Sprunk, the lawyer for the Parker family, to provide free services for wills, trusts, and estates for all Centre employees.
The Tower feels that limiting such services to their own membership is rather elitist, and hopes that having such measures in place will be better risk-management, especially given the number of on-the-job incidents that have occurred within the past decade- mainly in the pursuit of certain Centre assets.
Note: any employees sent to Ellesmere Island must complete this service beforehand, as it will cover any Qallupilluit-related mishaps!
Delphine Creek Beach Revitalization
Thanks to the environmental science department and their dedicated team of tireless employees who have spent many nights and weekends (no, they were not under duress, contrary to popular opinion) cleaning up the shoreline along the south side of the cove leading into Delphine Creek.
We are very pleased to announce that we will open it as a private beach beginning the 30th of this month. Applications will be taken on a first come, first served basis, and selection criteria for usage of the beach will be dependent upon time serving the Centre, risk associated with each specific job, and financial contributions to the retirement fund.
No, this does not mean that only Mr. Parker will qualify… we have a very welcoming mathematical scheme that will be quite fair, as Mr. Raines’s office assures us. The Sweepers and Associates will be rotating through lifeguard duty, so rest assured- all will be kept safe!
Vania’s Birthday Bash!
June 28th is one of the favorite holidays at the Data Annex in Portugal, and we are going to celebrate it across the Centre family of satellite offices, research stations, and annexes in unprecedented style!
Miss Parker has graciously agreed to relinquish her jet privileges for the day, so we will be hosting a world-wide picnic in honor of Miss Vania, our trusty transportation coordinator. Her husband, Sweeper Pedro, will be coordinating each celebration to feature her favorite foods, a display of her best crafts, and the collection of presents to bring to her office in Blue Cove (but please avoid giving him anything that could cause a concussion… he has had enough trauma for a long time after the incident at the hospital in New York!).
Look for sign up lists this week- we want to make this the best birthday ever!