February 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER
MOVE OVER CUPID! ARCHERY LESSONS BEGINNING 2/14
With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, it’s time to put those cupid skills to work. No, Mr. Lyle, we don’t mean matchmaking… we mean stringing that bow and putting an arrow of love in your target of choice!
Hannah in SL-6 has agreed to teach any willing employees for a nominal fee of chocolates and candy hearts. Practice will be weekly on the fitness track by the gym.
We hear she and Nathalie are toe-to-toe in their weapons of choice, so look out… and good luck ensnaring your lovebird during this season of romance!
A NEW PARTNER FROM CHINA
The Centre is thrilled to announce a long-awaited partnership with OxCorp out of China. Mr. Lyle has been working tirelessly to attract clients in further global endeavors, and this alliance marks a new beginning for many entry-level employees seeking to gain their footing in a multifaceted job market.
We will be hosting a delegation from OxCorp this month, so please give our guests a warm Blue Cove welcome! If any employees are interested in beginning a 120-day detail in Beijing, please contact HR for immediate placement.
TUFFY THE BOBCAT
We mourn the tragic loss of Tuffy the bobcat, the unofficial mascot of the entire Centre family. Tuffy was adopted by Sweeper Sandy, who raised Tuffy from a cub to be the sweet tempered feline we all knew and love.
Tuffy was often seen roaming the corridors outside the Tech room, and somehow managed to form a friendship with the ever-elusive Centre cat, Spike.
For more information on Tuffy’s 19 years of life and how to support wildlife preservation, please visit STAR Eco Station at http://www.ecostation.com.
Confirming many rumors have circulated recently, the Centre has been working closely with the Coalition for International Air Safety to engineer and implement anti-Stinger countermeasures. We will neither confirm nor deny, however, that we were involved in the theft of the Stinger missiles to begin with. We would simply like to caution our employees to take the corporate jet as often as possible for business endeavors.
Questions? See Vania or any member of the Centre’s air fleet. As an aside, please note your employee confidentiality agreements remain in place.
Please refer any media enquiries to the Tower ASAP. We are aware that Wolf News has been camped out in the North Lawn this week and the Sweepers, Cleaners, and Associates are working diligently to maintain continuity of operations during this time.
NETBALL SEASON IS BEGINNING. APPLY TODAY!
Netball tryouts will commence on Feb 27th and are open to all staff. While traditionally a sport for females, in an effort to bring Centre HR policy more in line with current trends, we are opening the tryouts to all Centre employees and the uniform of a short skirt will not be made mandatory.
Please note too, that netball is a NON–contact sport and if we have a repeat of what happened with the Field hockey teams, it will be shut down immediately. Anybody applying, please make sure all of your insurance is in order as the Centre will not be responsible for any injuries sustained during training or competitive play.
Please also note, that teams will no longer be organized via departments, as we feel this gave the sweepers and cleaners an unfair advantage and any off–court intimidation or bribery is to be reported immediately to ASSMO.
Remember people, this is about fun, and as long as you are in the game, you already are a winner.