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Jarodisms from fans

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Jarod: My mother is on this island. I have reason to believe she’s in danger. Now is not the time to play Centre bounty hunter!

Sydney: Do you know where you’ll go? Jarod: I have a good idea. Catch me if you can.

Jarod: Looks like another dead end.

Miss Parker: I know all I need to know.

Jarod: Do you? After all the deceit and all the betrayal we’ve both experienced, how do you know what the truth is?

Miss Parker: Fenigor had no reason to lie.

Jarod: Then you’re going to have to shoot me, because I’m going to find out the truth.

Hawk: Go to hell.

Jarod: You first.

Jarod Narrating: Second thoughts can be dangerous, but it quickly dawned on me that leaving Argyle and Dog would be like, well it would be like leaving two wounded animals in a trap. It just wasn’t in me.

Jarod: She felt consumed by a great void, a dark and silent abyss as terrifying as the grand palace around her. But somewhere in the chilling blackness she caught a glimpse of a light. She remembered a time, the precocious little girl with a heart full of fire, a soul inflamed by passion and a smile that could melt winter into spring. But the light was gone, the flame had died. Her past was taken from her by the soldiers of the great palace. She would continue searching, hoping to rekindle the fire. Until then, she would always be the Saddest Little Valentine.

Miss Parker: Got one. Magua Airport, Morocco. Can you make that?

Jarod: I better.

Parker: Don’t get Kwai Chang on me, Jarod.

Jarod: Ooh, I love that guy, wandering the earth, helping people.

Young Jarod: My mom’s gone too. I talk to her though. Her voice is inside me just like your mother’s is inside you.

Miss Parker: You look surprised to be here.

Jarod: Well, I’m surprised I’m still alive.

Miss Parker: Dead men tell no tales.

Jarod: I’m assuming since we’re here, this has nothing to do with Centre business.

Sydney: It was his grandfather’s. I thought Nicholas might like a piece of his past.

Jarod: It’s important to know who your family is, who you are. Give it back to him.

Jarod Narrating: Argyle’s situation put into focus for me something that I think I’ve known for a long time. That until I find my family, helping people like Benny and Argyle is the next best thing.

Jarod: The Centre wants us to believe that finding the truth is a mistake, that looking for answers about who we really are is futile, and finding any kind of …connection outside their control is wrong. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you can feel it. You’ve been a Centre prisoner all these years, just like me. And with every discovery, you find you- you’re every bit the outcast. Just like me.

Miss Parker: Why is it that the one person that I’ve been trained to distrust, to hate, to capture…is always with me during the most difficult moments of my life?

Jarod: Maybe…it’s supposed to be that way.

Jarod: I was stolen from my parents as a child and I was raised by a place called the Centre. Think hell, with nicer furniture.

Jarod: I’ll tell you about the powers that be. When they can’t get to you they go after the people that you love. That what they did to Neil. The PTB’s try to rip these people out of your life, your guts right along with them. But that’s where they make their mistake because the people that you love may be your weakness, but they’re also your strength. They keep you fighting. They keep you one step ahead of the demons who breathe fire into your soul.

Jarod: You spend way too much time in cemeteries, Miss Parker.

Jarod: It’s a crazy world.

Sydney: You’re not. You’re just lost Jarod.

Jarod: For now. But somewhere out there I’ll find my way. I’ll find out who I am.

Miss Parker: How is it that this guy was still alive and I didn’t know about it?

Jarod: Well, I guess that Daddy keeps some secrets from you. Did he tell you about those letters?

Jarod: Trust your heart Miss Parker. Don’t let them take away your happiness.

Jarod: You think you can bribe me?

Lyle: Jarod, it’s not a bribe.

Jarod: Mr. Lyle, do you want your last breath on his planet to be a lie?

Lyle: So is this how it’s gonna be? An execution without a trial?

Jarod: You didn’t give my brother a trial.

Lyle: I didn’t. It was self-defense.

Jarod: So is this.

Parker: I never- I never told Tommy that I loved him.

Jarod: And now your heart and your mind are raging a war against each other.

Parker: I would trade everything for one minute with him. Just to say those words and have him hear them.

Jarod: Tell him. Let your heart win the war.

Jarod: Why is Mr. Lyle tailing me?

Miss Parker: Mr. Lyle?

Jarod: Yes. He chased me through Albuquerque and Santa Fe. Although, I don’t see much hitchhiking in his future.

Mr. Parker: Give and take. For a cause bigger than both of us. Oh hell, I don’t expect you to understand it, but in the end it does all add up.

Jarod: You steal children. You create them. How does that add up?

Jarod: I thought it took blood to bond people. But I’ve learned it also takes something else. It takes love.

Jarod: That’s the wonderful thing about life, Miss Parker. If you change the story, the ending is up to you.

Jarod: Look under the tree next to you. I left you a little present. Don’t stop searching for those missing pieces, Miss Parker. If you do, you’ll never find what you’re looking for.

Jarod: I guess as much as we’d both like to deny it, we’re just two pieces of the same puzzle.

Jarod: How do you face your past Sydney?

Jarod: It’s too late! If we’re lucky, this train will slow down enough for us to jump off but I can’t stop the explosion. This is your brother Miss Parker, our brother. It could be a beginning, don’t make it an end.

Raines: Flight crew’s dead, and the controls are damaged! What the hell do we do now?

Jarod: Well, I would suggest that you un-cuff the one person who can fly this thing and save your life!

Jarod: I’m a little confused about something. Now, if Santa Claus were to deliver a present to every child on Earth, he’d have to visit 830 homes a second. Which would mean his reindeer would have to travel about 700 miles per second and he’d have 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, to crawl down the chimney, to pass out the presents and to eat cookies and milk. And for a middle-aged, overweight man, that’s quite a feat.

Jarod: My mother wore it. I could smell it when she tucked me in bed at night. Maybe that’s a lie. Because I can barely remember even if I had a mother. The ingredients in perfume, they’re known as notes, did you know that? The perfumer, he acts as composer. Now me, I always went for the heart. Some people, they could only smell the top notes. I went deeper, searched for the soul. Perfume. Sparkling citrus notes like lemon! Dark, resonant notes like balsam.

Miss Parker: I can’t let you leave Jarod, you know that.

Jarod: Is this what your mother would have done?

Jarod: Aside from the chipped molar, sounds like you survived. Miss Parker: No thanks to you. Jarod: Well, actually, everything you needed was there all along. All you had to do was open your eyes and see. Miss Parker: What exactly was it I was supposed to see? Jarod: That survival comes down to knowing the difference between your friends and your enemies. Miss Parker: I suppose you’re trying to tell me that Lyle is my enemy and you’re my friend. Jarod: Maybe. And you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to survive. You can sure bet that Lyle will.

Miss Parker: “P-47.” What does that mean to you?

Jarod: Nothing- yet.

Jarod: It’s okay. You know, when I was your age, I never left the house either. I stayed in for about 30 years. It’s a long story. When I got out, I realized what I was missing. Trees, fresh air, sunlight. Life’s a gift. Nothing is worth missing out on it.

Miss Parker: The vent. How was it down there?

Jarod: Let’s just say I’m hoping my next pretend isn’t as a sewer worker.

Sydney: Jarod this is getting serious. They brought in Miss Parker.

Jarod: Uh oh. Well you’d better watch your back too, Sydney.

Jarod: Now, you’ve already met Edna, who despite being locked in an asylum for decades by her loving husband, Mr. Raines, is an amazing historian of the Centre. Edna knows things about your mother, Miss Parker. Things she won’t tell to anyone but you. She wouldn’t even tell me. Edna wants to come home, but she can’t. There’s an army of Sweepers out there looking for her. She told me her redemption will be to tell you what she knows before they catch her. So you better hurry. Be careful. And know that Edna said no matter what happens, she wants you to keep digging. That the secret your mother wanted to tell you when you were little is buried out there, and you need to find it.

Jarod Narrating: I was suddenly face-to-face with my toughest pretend- becoming Argyle’s friend.

Jarod: I don’t know exactly what happened. But I do know that I’m sure of one thing. Love transcends death. That the people we love touch our lives even after they’re gone.

Jarod: You might want to strip search this one. She could be palming chips.

Miss Parker: Oh you bastard.

Jarod: Just doing my job, Ma’am. Head of Security, you know.

Miss Parker: I will get you.

Jarod: You wanna bet?

Jarod: Trust your inner sense Miss Parker. I do.

Miss Parker: What?

Jarod: How well do you know your father?

Miss Parker: Better than you know yours.

Jarod: Yes, well, I’m working on that one.

Jarod: Here, take my seat.

Daniel: No, no.

Jarod: Look, I’m not in a hurry. It’s not like anybody’s chasing me… today. Take it.

Jarod Narrating: There are certain times in life when you need to think with your heart, not your head. This wasn’t one of those times, but I thought it was, so I made the following mistake.

Argyle: Please?

Jarod: Get in.

Jarod: You miss her?

Miss Parker: Yes.

Jarod: She misses you too.

Miss Parker: How can you be so sure?

Jarod: Read the card.

“HER VOICE IS INSIDE YOU.”

Miss Parker: And what exactly am I looking for?

Jarod: Missing pieces, Miss Parker. Missing pieces.

Jarod: Valentine’s Day. Specifically, Cupid. A corpulent infant who happens to be an archer goes around shooting arrows into people, and suddenly they’re in love?

Foreman: That’s about it.

Jarod: And to show that love people buy each other chocolates and other sweets. Do they want to be fat like the infant?

Jarod: So let me get this straight. This starts out as a part of this, but then you punch it out and then you sell it as a separate product?

Waitress: I think you got it. Donut. Donut hole.

Jarod: I don’t mean to belabor a point, but if the hole is here, why do you call this the hole?

Miss Parker: My father kept you in the Centre your entire life Jarod. Why would you want to help him?

Jarod: Because if he dies, my answers die with him. And so do yours.

Jarod: Love can change people Miss Parker.

Jarod: No. It’s Champs de Nuit.

[He sits at the piano and begins playing Debussy’s “Clair de la Lune,” speaking somewhat manically as he plays.]

Melina: If you’re so interested in teenagers, maybe you should become a school counselor.

Jarod: I already tried that once. I mean, the hours were great, but… the food was terrible.

Jarod: It’s not exactly the monks’ brandy, but Ocee says it’s good for emotional upheaval.

Miss Parker: Can she back a truckload of it up to my house?

Jarod: Let the storm rage outside, Miss Parker…not inside you.

Nia: And before the Rangers?

Jarod: Test pilot, thoracic surgeon, lieutenant commander on a destroyer. The usual.

Jarod: Your gun won’t work. I took the firing pin out last night.

Parker: I sleep with this under my pillow.

Jarod: And you drool out of the left corner of your mouth.

Jarod: You know something? You’re right I don’t have the heart to kill. Or the hate. Have fun rotting in prison.

Jarod: Let me ask you a question. Did you ever love her? Because what little affection you’ve given her over the years, she craves.

Eve: None of this was real?

Jarod: Nothing. Except your confession. And that’s a lifetime of real.

Miss Parker: Why did you save my life?

Jarod: Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss.

Jarod: And how is Igor?

Miss Parker: He’d better not snore.

Jarod: Oh, it’s not the noise he makes that keeps you up. It’s those sharp toenails.

Argyle: Mona’s the one.

Jarod: You spent six minutes with her.

Miss Parker: So, what are you trying to tell me?

Jarod: That you have to see people for what they are.

Miss Parker: Keep my eyes open.

Jarod: To all possibilities because in the end we all get what we deserve.

Jarod: According to the odds your chances of winning the jackpot are one in thirteen million nine hundred and eighty-three thousand, eight hundred and sixteen. That’s the same odds as… getting hit by lighting in a submarine.

Ethan: I’m glad you’re alive.

Miss Parker: I’m glad you’re alive too.

Jarod: Don’t you know that nobody dies at the Centre?

Miss Parker: What?

Jarod: At least we put one family back together.

Miss Parker: While mine got ripped apart again.

Jarod: I know the feeling.

Miss Parker: You know, Jarod, maybe Lyle’s right. Maybe the world is changing.

Jarod: It doesn’t seem to matter how much it changes. It’s still the same for us. We’re still alone in it.

Jarod: You were right in putting your trust in your mother. She knew the importance of family. Of helping people. If she kept any secrets from you, it was to protect you.

Miss Parker: Protect me from what?

Jarod: The truth. Keep searching, Miss Parker. But remember. You can’t believe everything you see. After all, life is a mirage. Sometimes the things that scare you the most can be the things that save your life.

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Jarod: It doesn’t have to be this way. New blood for the Centre. Your mother would be so proud of you.

Miss Parker: Save it!

Jarod: I saw your face when Angelo gave up his last treatment for Davy.

Jarod’s voice: Hello, Sydney, Broots, and, as always, Miss Parker. I assume since you’re listening to this recording you’ve figured out my current location. I realize things got a little fishy along the way, but you realize timing is everything in the run-for-your-life business. I won’t keep you longer than necessary. I realize you have a plane to catch. I just ask two things. First, bring along the wax head; I think you’ll find it enlightening. And second, don’t forget to buckle your seatbelts. Happy landings!

Miss Parker: How could a man destroy his family just for his pursuit of greed and power?

Jarod: Why don’t you ask your father?

Jarod: Lyle, you have to choose carefully!

Miss Parker: In other words, guess?

Jarod: And pray that he’s right.

A Note from Jarod: “There’s no place like home. Everyone deserves one. So why don’t you leave me alone and let me find mine?”

Jarod: Miss Parker reached out to help someone.

Miss Parker: Spare me.

Jarod: Your mother would be very proud of you.

Miss Parker: You put on quite a show today. Sydney taught you well.

Jarod: Sydney taught me to believe that you can be anything you want to be.

Jarod: It’s so good to see you, the real you.

Angelo: It’s good to be me. Thank you Jarod.

Louis: Hey. That lady with the legs? She throws a wicked right hook.

Jarod: It’s difficult to distinguish between her bite and her bark.

Jarod: Maybe it’s time you gave yourself that gift he never gave you- the truth.

Miss Parker: I hope you find your mother.

Jarod: And what about…us?

Miss Parker: You run. I chase. That choice was made for us a long time ago.

Jarod: Maybe that is the Parker curse.

Anne: I had a dream last night. My son came to me, and he said it would be all right. He said he didn’t want me to be alone anymore. Does that sound crazy?

Jarod: It sounds perfect.

Jarod: Love can change people Miss Parker.

Miss Parker: Hello Jarod.

Jarod: With instincts like that, you’ll catch me yet.

Miss Parker: Not if you keep throwing me off the trail.

Jarod: Oh, I didn’t throw you off, I just put you on a different one.

Miss Parker: Is that all you do Jarod? Dig up the past?

Jarod: That’s easy for you to say. You have one. Although, it’s not quite what you thought it was, is it?

Jarod: That is what they do. They kill anyone who’s remotely interested in the truth. And then they take away the people that we love the most.

Miss Parker: Why?

Jarod: To control us. To use us to do their dirty work.

Luther: You’re not even a doctor!

Jarod: Technically, you’re right, but I do enjoy that ER program.

Jarod: That is what they do. They kill anyone who’s remotely interested in the truth. And then they take away the people that we love the most.

Miss Parker: Why?

Jarod: To control us. To use us to do their dirty work.

Jarod: Karma…ain’t it a bitch?

Zoe: Where you headed?

Jarod: Nowhere. Anywhere. I’ve already been somewhere.

Jarod: If you don’t question you don’t learn.

Jarod: I’m not big on brides in black leather. Although there is a certain enjoyable irony in it.

Miss Parker: Funny, I’m not seeing it.

Broots: Why are you doing this?

Jarod: Doing what?

Broots: I try and catch you every day. I mean it’s my job. But, why are you helping me?

Jarod: Because… I respect you.

Broots: Me?

Jarod: I can only hope that one day I will be half the father that you are.

Jarod: I’d just hate to see anyone miss a turning point when one is staring them right in the face.

Jarod: Intimidating, isn’t it? I took it off this rancher in Montana who was abusing his cattle. I know, you’re thinking it’s not the same thing. And you’re right. The cattle didn’t deserve it. Shall we make that phone call?

Jarod: Patience has never been one of your virtues has it, Miss Parker?

Miss Parker: You got quite a set showing up here.

Jarod: Well, even you wouldn’t pull a gun in a bank

Dr. Goetz: Who’s Sydney?

Jarod: Pavlov to my dog, provider, protector, patriarch. He created me.

[Elvis Impersonator] Bernie: You think it’s easy being the idol of millions?Jarod: I would guess – no.

Miss Parker: Jarod? I think you should tell us where you are, we can protect you from him.

Jarod: Although I really do appreciate your concern, I’ve gotten sort of used to taking care of myself. Well, I really gotta go; I’m late for work. Ciao!

Jarod: I recommend the Monte Cristo. You can’t beat a sandwich with syrup. It is a little bit fattening. What the hey, you could stand to put on a few pounds.

Miss Parker: How would you know?

Jarod: Oh, you never know who might be peeking over your transom. Ah, ah, ah- setting back the bathroom scale three pounds, that’s cheating.

Sheriff: Those are Cam’s kids.

Jarod: I had them brought in.

Sheriff: To get under his skin?

Jarod: To get into his heart.

Jarod: Sometimes, the risks we take are worth it. Well, I’ll see you next time on “The Feud.”

Jarod: Look, I know you’re angry but there’s more important things in life than vengeance. Let me show you how good it feels to save a life instead of trying to destroy one.

Jarod: I try to be strong, but sometimes all I see is darkness, fragments of who I am. Will I ever feel whole?

Sydney: I don’t know Jarod. I hope so.

Jarod: Me too.

Miss Parker: So Jarod, why the YMCA?

Jarod: I was watching retro night on VH1. And they were doing the 70s, which as you know I missed. There was this singing group that was extolling the virtues of staying at the Y. So here I am.

Miss Parker: Cute, not funny, but cute.

Broots: Hey, I can’t talk to you about this. We’re – we’re supposed to be trying to catch you!

Jarod: I know where you live, Mr. Broots.

Ethan: It seems like Miss Parker’s always watching you and following you.

Jarod: Your half sister. She’s quite a consistent piece of work, I’ll give her that.

Ethan: She wants you back, you know?

Jarod: Some things never change.

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