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Holiday 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Muddy Buddy Recipe

We all know SL-8 has the best snacks, so when inquiring minds sought to find out the source of these delectable delights, we looked no further than Felicity’s workspace to get the low down on a holiday treat.

Ingredients:

  • 1 box Chex (or similar rice based cereal)
  • 1.5 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
  • .75 cup peanut butter
  • .5 cup butter
  • 1.25 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 5 cups powdered sugar

Empty box of cereal into a large bowl.  In another bowl, microwave the chocolate chips, peanut butter, and butter until smooth.  Stir in vanilla extract.  Pour mixture over cereal, being careful not to over-mix.  Finally, add powdered sugar, and put in a plastic bag.  Shake to have the ingredients mix together, and enjoy!

Sydney’s Secret Santa and White Elephant Gift Exchange

While it’s true that the Psychogenic Research department is the only office at the Centre to have their holiday party while their Thanksgiving turkey is still edible, we were in for a treat with their annual gift exchange. Thank you to all who participated… we enjoyed the plethora of surprises this year (the shrunken head and the formaldehyde fingers notwithstanding…).  The goodies served at the dessert bar were excellent, as always, but the spiked egg nog caused some concern, especially under the mistletoe (office gossip is at quite a roar speculating on the identity of the mystery woman kissing Mr. Lyle).  The holidays are always a special time at the Centre, and this year certainly was no exception!

Urgent Memo from the Centre Annexes in France

Jarod has leaked a very important, highly confidential Centre communique from the French Annex, code-named

<<Le Caméléon: Renaissance. >>  

While the contents of this communiqué are highly confidential, we know that there are details of strategy and secret projects that could prove highly detrimental to the functioning of the Centre. 

We know that the document can be found on Amazon.fr, so if you see a copy, please let your supervisor know immediately!

Desk Contest Winner

We are thrilled to announce that our website guru, Miss Jacci of the Tech Room, has won the desk contest we announced in our previous Centre Employees’ Newsletter. 

Her supervisor submitted her entry, which is attached, citing her excellent organizational skills and commitment to furthering the goals of the Centre as a rationale for this prestigious award. 

We are thrilled to present her with a personalized parking spot in the front lot of the Centre for the next year!  Congratulations!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

The Books

Rebirth

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Saving Luke

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September 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

A TASTY TREAT

This month’s recipe comes from Michelle Lucca Stamatis from the Psychogenic Research Department in one of our satellite facilities.  She says that Nicholas, her son, considers this favorite dessert and it is very easy (and healthy) to make!

Ingredients:

  • 3 Bananas (Chopped and Frozen)
  • 1 Heaping Tbsp Peanut Butter
  • 2-3 Tbsp Cocoa Powder
  • 1 Tbsp Honey

Step 1: Throw all ingredients into a blender/food processor, mash until creamy.

Step 2: Eat Up!

This is at least 2 servings, and can be topped with sprinkles, chocolate chips, fruit, or other delicious delights.  It can be re-frozen in Tupperware to be dessert for several days.  Enjoy!

A Hacker’s “Sole” Mate

As some of you may have noticed, our mainframe was compromised by an unnamed hacker late last week.  While this is not the first time we’ve had our security compromised, this was the first time we had a fashion-forward intruder.   Our IT Department strongly apologizes for the receipt of any emails to your corporate accounts for shoe deals that sounded too good to be true. We know some of you were enticed and even followed the link (please refer to your Annual Security Training regarding NOT clicking such links), only to find yourselves on other less advisable websites.  We have been advised that no personal or sensitive information was compromised.  For those of you disappointed by the Jimmy Choo hijinks, Blue Cove Suede Shoes will be offering a 15% discount for anyone with a Centre Employee ID throughout the month of October (20% if there is an Elvis sighting!).

MEET LEANNE IN THE PR DEPARTMENT!

Leanne, a Communications Specialist in the Public Relations Department has provided us with a brief interview about her very important job here at the Centre.

Q: How were you recruited to the Centre?
A: I was working for a think tank in a similar role and was head-hunted by the head of the department. The offer was attractive so I took it. 
Q: Tell us a little about your job- what do you do on a day to day basis?
A: I generally field queries from the local media and send out press releases. I also make sure the field staff are fully briefed on the dos and don’ts of speaking to the media.
 
Q: What advice would you give new recruits to the Centre?
A: Know your field of expertise inside and out but be smart about it. Keep your head down and try not to play office politics. 
 
Q: And lastly, what is a fun fact about yourself?
A: I write fiction in my spare time and have published one novel already. Other than that, I’m pretty boring. 

If you would like to be the next employee featured in the monthly newsletter, please email tower@thepretender.org and management will be in touch!

Photo Contest for ALL Employees!

It’s “improve your office” month here at the Centre.  We know that sometimes the Centre seems rather stark and dour looking (chrome and white doesn’t do it for some people), so in an effort to eliminate the plainness, we are instituting a mood-enhancing office renovation. We want to turn things around and encourage your to improve your space by initiating a “best desk” contest.  Please submit photos of your office, desk, workspace, or even desktop background to tower@thepretender.org and we will publish our favorites next month.  Our ASSMO, Emily, will be on duty this week with supplies for you to make your area the best design around!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

August 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

LOST LUGGAGE

A cadre of budget analysts on their recent retreat in the south of Chile had a horrific experience- their luggage, including their Centre-issued computers, were stolen from the baggage claim! We suspect foul play, possibly involving a certain Pretender, his father, or other members of their family. We are seeking information on this incident, the return of the equipment, and and leads on our missing asset. The Tower has authorized a very handsome reward of “riches beyond your wildest dreams,” so please send all tips to centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com.

ID BADGE ISSUES

Security has informed us that we have had a recent uptick in employees “forgetting” their badges at home. We will be instituting a new policy of three strikes- if you forget a fourth time, Mr. Parker has authorized use of “extreme measures” to ensure no further incidents. While the specifics have not yet been released, we have been told that it involves superglue, hair dryers, glitter, and paint thinner. Be forewarned.

MEET ERICA IN THE DECODING DEPARTMENT!

Erica in the Decoding Department has provided us with a brief interview about her very important job here at the Centre, where she has been working diligently on Project Renaissance, facilitating the coordination of our main headquarters and the French Annex.
Q: Erica, how did you get this job?
A: Haha, I remember this so well! It was right after I graduated from University. I was visiting a job fair and got approached by someone who asked me if I’d be interested in a position related to translations. This being my first job search day, you can imagine how excited I was! I tried to contain myself and replied politely, “Of course, what company do you work for?”
Smiling widely, the man answered “Great! We will be expecting you tomorrow at 10 am, is that good for you?” Still slightly under shock to be so lucky, I stuttered, “Yes, sure, but which company is it, where do I have to go?”
So he handed me over his card; written in relief and golden letters, I see the words “the Centre”, and on the back of the card the name “Dr. Sydney Günterläde, Psychiatrist” followed by an address… Which got me thinking…? What kind of place would need a translator and a psychiatrist… Hopefully not a dangerous one… but I could not think about it any longer, as Sydney was already shaking my hand “Perfect, see you tomorrow then Miss Bougainvillea!” And he disappeared in the crowd, just as he had appeared… when it hit me… I never told him my name…
I decided to go straight home and do some research on this company. After hours of research, I thought this was getting weirder and weirder… It was impossible to find a website or any valuable information on this company called “the Centre,” aside from something about a Water Treatment Plant, which only added additional confusion. I was getting super nervous and was unable to sleep…
The following day, when I got to the Centre, I thought ok, this neither looks like a Water Treatment Plant, nor like a mental health facility… but I decided to go in anyways… and what I saw, heard and lived… [cough] well, that’s confidential.
Q: What is your favorite part of working at the Centre?
A: I just love the international character of the company. Every day I get to speak to colleagues from all over the world, which is a great practise of all the languages I learned! I am also fascinated by all the projects I get, there is truly never a dull moment!
Q: What advice would you give to new Centre employees to ensure their success here?
A: Be smart. Think. Act wisely. Train your mental strength… And most importantly, don’t be too curious.
If you would like to be the next employee featured in the monthly newsletter, please email tower@thepretender.org and management will be in touch!

Recipe – CHICKEN POT PIE CASSEROLE

Edna Raines loved cooking this easy dinner for her husband and daughter.  She shared this recipe with Catherine Parker, and we are excited to share it all with you this month.

Ingredients

  • 2 Eggs
  • 3 Cups Frozen Hash Browns (Breakfast Potatoes)
  • Salt and Pepper
  • 1 Package Frozen Mixed Vegetables (16 oz)
  • 1 Tin Cream of Mushroom Soup (10.75 oz)
  • 1 Cup Chopped Chicken (Cooked)
  • 2 Tbsp Butter (Melted)
  • 1/2 Cup Bread Crumbs

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease a 9-inch square baking dish.
  2. Beat eggs together in a bowl. Add hash browns and mix well; season with salt and pepper. Press hash brown mixture into the prepared baking dish.
  3. Bake in the preheated oven until crust is lightly browned, about 15 minutes.
  4. Mix vegetables, cream of mushroom soup, and chicken together in a bowl and spread over the crust; top with bread crumbs. Drizzle butter over bread crumb layer and season with salt and pepper.
  5. Bake in the preheated oven until heated through and bread crumbs are lightly browned, about 30 minutes.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

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Saving Luke

saving luke

July 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

BASTILLE DAY

The French Annex celebrated Bastille Day in a big way this year! The staff pulled numerous all-nighters to prepare for the grand festivities, the largest of which they cannot wait to share with Operatives from the rest of the world! But they have informed us that because it is a very big secret (kept in the same vault as the scrolls!), we will have to send extra security to Paris in preparation. We will be deploying all non-lifeguarding Sweepers and Cleaners to the City of Lights in preparation for this big reveal. Management warns all employees that bribery of any member of the Tower or Triumvirate will result in a swift trip to see Mr. Raines’s personal collection of animal-print undergarments.

BLUE COVE LIBRARY BOOK SALE

We have been asked to share with the staff that the library system will be holding its annual book sale in the lobby next week, and all are invited! In addition to great books, there will be wonderful gifts for sale, including a copy of the film Ski Patrol autographed by its writers,
blank red notebooks for all your journaling needs, and extra large bag of lollipops (courtesy of Brigitte). We encourage you all to come out and support the great cause! The department with the biggest turnout will win a pizza party at Mr. Lyle’s expense (just don’t tell him that).

SESSIONS WITH SYD

The Psychogenic Research Department is offering very precious time with its Director, Dr. Sydney, to air out any grievances, discuss any personal problems, or describe those feelings of unrequited love you have for your co-workers. Fear not, we will treat your sessions with extreme confidence (right, Broots?) and there will be no impact on your official Centre Employee Record. To sign up, email tower@thepretender.org today!

Recipe – Posole

We have received numerous requests for the delicious recipe shared by Mr. Gazp, husband of Mr. Parker’s personal secretary. The delicious soup, Posole, is great as the temperature cools down in Blue Cove this fall. ENJOY!

 

Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup dried chiles de arbol
  • 4 or 5 dried ancho chiles
  • 6 cloves garlic (2 smashed, 4 finely chopped)
  • Kosher salt
  • 2 pounds boneless pork shoulder, trimmed and cut in half
  • 2 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
  • 1 large white onion, chopped
  • 8 cups low-sodium chicken broth
  • 1 tablespoon dried oregano
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 3 15 -ounce cans white hominy, drained and rinsed
  • Diced avocado, shredded cabbage, diced onion, sliced radishes and/or fresh cilantro, for topping

Directions

Break the stems off the chiles de arbol and ancho chiles and shake out as many seeds as possible. Put the chiles in a bowl and cover with boiling water; weigh down the chiles with a plate to keep them submerged and soak until soft. Transfer the chiles and 1 1/2 cups of the soaking liquid to a blender. Add the smashed garlic and 1/2 teaspoon salt and blend until smooth. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl, pushing the sauce through with a rubber spatula; discard the solids.

Rub the pork all over with the cumin and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside. Heat the vegetable oil in a Dutch oven or pot over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, about 5 minutes. Add the chopped garlic and cook 2 minutes. Increase the heat to medium high. Push the onion and garlic to one side of the pot; add the pork to the other side and sear, turning, until lightly browned on all sides, about 5 minutes.

Stir in 2 cups water, the chicken broth, oregano, bay leaf, 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of the chile sauce (depending on your taste). Bring to a low boil, then reduce the heat to maintain a simmer. Partially cover and cook, turning the pork a few times, until tender, about 3 hours.

Stir in the hominy and continue to simmer, uncovered, until the pork starts falling apart, about 1 more hour. Remove the bay leaf. Transfer the pork to a cutting board; roughly chop and return to the pot. Add some water or broth if the posole is too thick. Season with salt. Serve with assorted toppings and the remaining chile sauce.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

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Saving Luke

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June 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Free Candy!

The cherubic faces over in the daycare center convinced Miss Kylie that the best way to celebrate the end of the school year would be to hold a Candy Appreciation Day on the 29th from 8am-3pm.
Stop by the children’s wing for a grab-bag of your favorite sweet snacks- the kids are decorating especially for this occasion, so be sure to support their efforts!
Sydney wanted to remind any participants that, given the nature of the holiday, feeding Dara any sort of sweets (especially grape lollipops) will result in immediate disciplinary measures. Rumor has it the Sim Lab floors are in need of a good scrubbing… with a very small brush!

Notes from the Tower

As rampant rumor has spread throughout the sub-levels, the vault in the Ellesmere Island Research Station was breached last week, though our biology department adamantly reassures us it was not by a Qallupilluit.
We believe the culprit was an escaped asset or a member of his family, and we are requesting that any un-diverted resources be immediately sent to the Arctic Circle to investigate this security breach and upgrade our systems.
If you see any files from the Vault posted online, to social media, or sent via email, please inform Mrs. Gazp immediately at tower@thepretenderlives.com. Brigitte said she will even give informants access to her lollipop stash for a day.

WILLS AND TRUSTS

The legal department, in a continued effort to be more transparent and community-oriented, has contracted with Mr. Sprunk, the lawyer for the Parker family, to provide free services for wills, trusts, and estates for all Centre employees.
The Tower feels that limiting such services to their own membership is rather elitist, and hopes that having such measures in place will be better risk-management, especially given the number of on-the-job incidents that have occurred within the past decade- mainly in the pursuit of certain Centre assets.
Note: any employees sent to Ellesmere Island must complete this service beforehand, as it will cover any Qallupilluit-related mishaps!

Delphine Creek Beach Revitalization

Thanks to the environmental science department and their dedicated team of tireless employees who have spent many nights and weekends (no, they were not under duress, contrary to popular opinion) cleaning up the shoreline along the south side of the cove leading into Delphine Creek.
We are very pleased to announce that we will open it as a private beach beginning the 30th of this month. Applications will be taken on a first come, first served basis, and selection criteria for usage of the beach will be dependent upon time serving the Centre, risk associated with each specific job, and financial contributions to the retirement fund.
No, this does not mean that only Mr. Parker will qualify… we have a very welcoming mathematical scheme that will be quite fair, as Mr. Raines’s office assures us. The Sweepers and Associates will be rotating through lifeguard duty, so rest assured- all will be kept safe!

Vania’s Birthday Bash!

June 28th is one of the favorite holidays at the Data Annex in Portugal, and we are going to celebrate it across the Centre family of satellite offices, research stations, and annexes in unprecedented style!
Miss Parker has graciously agreed to relinquish her jet privileges for the day, so we will be hosting a world-wide picnic in honor of Miss Vania, our trusty transportation coordinator. Her husband, Sweeper Pedro, will be coordinating each celebration to feature her favorite foods, a display of her best crafts, and the collection of presents to bring to her office in Blue Cove (but please avoid giving him anything that could cause a concussion… he has had enough trauma for a long time after the incident at the hospital in New York!).
Look for sign up lists this week- we want to make this the best birthday ever!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

May 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

SPRING BREAK

Since we received numerous complaints last year, management feels the need to reiterate that there are travel restrictions in place for Spring Break, and all retreats to Cancun are to be postponed to Autumn.
Additionally, Sweepers may detoured from their normal tours of duty for reassignment to look after the children of high level executives, however there is a cap on the amount of funds that may be spent while on offsite travel.
Such funds do not cover any sort of bail for breaking the law, as that is not a legitimate executive expense.
If you think you qualify for this children-monitoring program, please email Mrs. Gazp at centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com to apply.

RESTAURANT WEEK

It has come to our attention that it is, once again, Blue Cove Restaurant Week.
While we are thrilled that our Executive Chef Dani is being awarded the Golden Peach Blossom Award (an 18K gold edible statue resembling the state flower of Delaware that will be on display in the lobby next week), we would like to instill that lunch is thirty minutes and any employees found taking “sick leave” to go restaurant hopping will be subject to volunteering for Sydney’s annual sleep-deprivation experiment occurring this Saturday.
Unrelatedly, all Tower meetings this week scheduled between the hours of 11am-2pm are cancelled for confidential reasons.

CALLING ALL SHARP MINDS…

We have been contracted by “Psychology Tomorrow” magazine to provide a study on body language and mind reading, using several of our well-known assets, including Dara, Elizabeth, Mikey, and David.
If you are interested in participating, we will offer credit time at the rate of $19/hr. Additionally, the post-doctoral assistants in Sydney’s lab have just published a joint paper on the effects of juvenile detention and appetite, which will be featured on the bulletin board in the lab wing.
They will offer snacks on Tuesday from 1-2pm in honor of their publication, and we can promise you that consuming one will not have any adverse side effects like last time (did that rash ever heal, Joan in SL-12?).

CELEBRATING CATHERINE PARKER

cpmonogramSince May is the month of Mothers, Mr. Parker cordially invites all staff to the unveiling of the new Catherine Parker library on May 29th at 9am.
The dedication ceremony will feature Catherine’s favorite artwork, including our recent acquisition of Berthe Morisot’s “Young Woman at the Mirror,” a recitation of Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Less Traveled” by the children in the daycare center, and refreshments of Catherine’s favorite food, including Beignets fresh from New Orleans and Peach Cobbler.
The coordinating committee formally requests all attendees to wear their favorite shade of blue and to take home a favor of a potted flower bulb to plant in Catherine’s honor- and the honor of all mothers everywhere.
Quoting one of her favorite phrases, “And under the hand of God, ye little children shall never be lost.”

UNCLE SAM SAYS…

November elections are soon approaching and we would like to remind all employees that we are under contract with the State of Delaware to provide polling equipment for all jurisdictions.
As there have been issues in the past with uploading “mysterious” software to each unit that somehow results in Mr. Raines being elected to the position of “Centre Toilet Scrubber,” among other things, Kris will be monitoring each unit through the Ice Cube to ensure that we are in compliance with all election regulations. The Triumvirate office of Mr. Adama sends the message that there is to be no embarrassment this year.
As we learned from Extron, our cyber competitor who held this contract last year (and lost it due to a similar mishap), all employees (and their extremities) are replaceable. Mr. Lyle’s thumb can attest to that.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

April 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

CAN YOU RUN THE EXTRA MILE?

May 10th, you will be able to prove your sprinting skills with a 5K fun run around the Centre’s campus, sponsored by the Sweeper Extracurricular Association and the Centre’s Jogging Team.
Be sure to have appropriate running gear – walking shoes will damage your knees and feet and can ultimately ruin the whole experience for you, and we want you to have fun! Supervisors will be granting 2 hours administrative leave for participants.
The entry fee is $10 and you will get a free t-shirt and water bottle after the race! The jogging team also has running gear available for purchase in SL-9. Sign up today, by emailing centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com, and specify whether you are a novice or advanced runner.
Our Executive Chef and staff will be providing fresh fruit and water stations along the route, but be sure to stay hydrated! We don’t want and fainting or collisions in the course!

COMMUNITY GARDENING CLUB

Grab your shovels and let’s start working!
Starting this month, for all garden and farming enthusiasts, we will be opening small plots on our northern grounds. If you want to enroll in the program, please talk to the MO and fill out the enclosed form.
Our soil and temperature is perfect for strawberries, tomatoes and lettuce, perfect for our chef to use on his amazing dishes. Please- no flesh eating botanicals… we have plenty in our labs and they are quite a handful!

PERFORMANCE AWARDS

Last year, Amalia Gazp received the highly desired Catherine Parker Award for Service to the Centre. May will bring about our annual Awards Ceremony, so please send nominations to centreinsider@thepretenderlives.com by May 1 for this year’s winner. We promise the prizes will be a scream!

ASSMO PRESENTS: FIRE PREVENTION UPDATE

For security reasons, the Blue Cove City Council requests our compliance in the annual fire drill and emergency preparedness seminar to ensure all employees are aware how to proceed in case of fire or an emergency.

The Centre prides itself on being fire-free since 1987, when a huge blaze consumed an entire sub-level, but being safe is always our priority. Because of that, attendance is mandatory.  We will have members of the Centre’s Volunteer Fire Brigade on hand before and after the training to answer any questions.  Miss Emily, the ASSMO, has been recently elected Chief of the squad and can be reached if there is interest in volunteering.

To complete your fire and emergency training requirement, the course will occur at 9am, next Friday, April 17th. Bring comfortable shoes and light clothes as you will be moving a lot. Proceed as usual until the alarm sounds, then follow your supervisor’s instructions.  All employees with any sort of portable oxygen system must take a prerequisite course in bodily safety.  Keep an eye out in your email for scheduling next week.

 

AFTER HOURS PARTY

All employees are invited for Miss Jacci’s Birthday Party on the 29th. No special attire is necessary, but some discretion is advisable (wearing only a Speedo- leopard print or not- will result in dismissal from the party after what happened last year) and Ms. Kylie is requesting no crop tops either. We are, after all, a family oriented company, and we would like to avoid having the entire lower division in the day care attempt to cut up their clothes in imitation.
We understand other co-workers are celebrating their birthdays this month as well. Please speak to the Christina in the HR department to book your party or to join this one. Finally, the board appreciates that all noise is kept to a minimum as not to disturb the residents. Thanks!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

March 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

EXTRATERRESTRIAL ABDUCTION DAY!

The Centre’s Xenoarcheology Department will be sponsoring an exhibit in the Main Concourse this week in honor of the International ET Abduction Day. They have been hard at work with the Area-51 Annex and are thrilled to present asteroid art, moonrock munchies, and alien activities for employees of all ages.
Make sure you stop by- the exhibit will be open 24/7 with special activities planned in the Observatory each night. In the words of Project Coordinator Linda, they are simply “out of this world!”

ANNUAL TULIP FESTIVAL

It has come to our attention that it is, once again, Blue Cove Restaurant Week.

The horticultural society here at the Centre is pleased to announce their annual spring gardening day in the biotracts. They are particularly thrilled about the crop of tulips that has started to blossom, and would like to assure all planning on attending that the herbicide used is completely harmless.

Risk Management, however, would offer a word of precaution and recommends that lunch not be taken there for the next two weeks or so, and any Sweepers, Cleaners, or Associates who use the biotracts to hunt game or for target practice are urged to find another location for the time being.

Celebrity Sightings?

Fresh off of winning nearly every television-related award these last few months, Dean McCann, star of the hit show “Bayou Blue” has been seen around the halls of the Centre. He is lobbying against agitated residents in Vancouver, B.C. and we are very proud to announce he is one of the Centre’s new client line up.

If you spot his dazzling smile or sparkling blue eyes in the cafeteria or elevator, please refrain from autographs or “selfies.” He is just as normal as Mr. Raines.

Baby Parker’s Birthday Party

Mr. Parker is excusing all Centre Employees for the celebration of Baby Parker’s birthday this year.  In addition to cake served in all commissaries and snack bars, there will be a carnival in the north lawn, at the specific request of the ASSMO.

Popcorn and cotton candy will be available, as well as select rides and a dunk tank. A signup sheet is on the intranet and we are thrilled to see that Mr. Lyle and Mr. Raines have both signed up!

We ask everyone in the science departments to ensure that there is coverage on all ongoing experiments if project coordinators are planning to attend.

We do not want a repeat of last year’s animal stampede in SL-2. Many thanks for your cooperation.

 

ARG FUN FOR ALL!

Christian Bradley (or Bradley Christian? Management can never get his name right) has offered to teach “ARG for Advanced Dummies” in the Alternate Reality Holosuite next to the Tech Room!

Please bring an injury release form, a computer (no, Mari, those new computer watches do not count), and your imagination.

Fees will be $10 per session, mainly to cover the gourmet snacks we will be bringing in from the new Organic Food Truck that will be making rounds throughout the Centre grounds this month.

Stay tuned for menus and more details!

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

February 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

MOVE OVER CUPID!  ARCHERY LESSONS BEGINNING 2/14

With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, it’s time to put those cupid skills to work. No, Mr. Lyle, we don’t mean matchmaking… we mean stringing that bow and putting an arrow of love in your target of choice!

Hannah in SL-6 has agreed to teach any willing employees for a nominal fee of chocolates and candy hearts. Practice will be weekly on the fitness track by the gym.

We hear she and Nathalie are toe-to-toe in their weapons of choice, so look out… and good luck ensnaring your lovebird during this season of romance!

 

A NEW PARTNER FROM CHINA

The Centre is thrilled to announce a long-awaited partnership with OxCorp out of China. Mr. Lyle has been working tirelessly to attract clients in further global endeavors, and this alliance marks a new beginning for many entry-level employees seeking to gain their footing in a multifaceted job market.

We will be hosting a delegation from OxCorp this month, so please give our guests a warm Blue Cove welcome!  If any employees are interested in beginning a 120-day detail in Beijing, please contact HR for immediate placement.

TUFFY THE BOBCAT

We mourn the tragic loss of Tuffy the bobcat, the unofficial mascot of the entire Centre family.  Tuffy was adopted by Sweeper Sandy, who raised Tuffy from a cub to be the sweet tempered feline we all knew and love.

Tuffy was often seen roaming the corridors outside the Tech room, and somehow managed to form a friendship with the ever-elusive Centre cat, Spike.

For more information on Tuffy’s 19 years of life and how to support wildlife preservation, please visit STAR Eco Station at http://www.ecostation.com.

STINGER MISSILES

Confirming many rumors have circulated recently, the Centre has been working closely with the Coalition for International Air Safety to engineer and implement anti-Stinger countermeasures. We will neither confirm nor deny, however, that we were involved in the theft of the Stinger missiles to begin with. We would simply like to caution our employees to take the corporate jet as often as possible for business endeavors.
Questions? See Vania or any member of the Centre’s air fleet. As an aside, please note your employee confidentiality agreements remain in place.

Please refer any media enquiries to the Tower ASAP. We are aware that Wolf News has been camped out in the North Lawn this week and the Sweepers, Cleaners, and Associates are working diligently to maintain continuity of operations during this time.

 

NETBALL SEASON IS BEGINNING. APPLY TODAY!

Netball tryouts will commence on Feb 27th and are open to all staff. While traditionally a sport for females, in an effort to bring Centre HR policy more in line with current trends, we are opening the tryouts to all Centre employees and the uniform of a short skirt will not be made mandatory.

Please note too, that netball is a NON–contact sport and if we have a repeat of what happened with the Field hockey teams, it will be shut down immediately. Anybody applying, please make sure all of your insurance is in order as the Centre will not be responsible for any injuries sustained during training or competitive play.

Please also note, that teams will no longer be organized via departments, as we feel this gave the sweepers and cleaners an unfair advantage and any off–court intimidation or bribery is to be reported immediately to ASSMO.

Remember people, this is about fun, and as long as you are in the game, you already are a winner.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

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Saving Luke

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January 2015 CENTRE EMPLOYEE NEWSLETTER

Annual Pet Adoption Day!

Who can resist to their cute little faces? Not even Miss Parker will resist this one!

Miss Mallory will be organizing this year’s Pet Adoption Day in the lobby on January 24th, with the aid of local animal shelters who are crowded with furry faces that would give everything to have a new friend in you. There will be cats, dogs, the occasional hamster, and possibly a few mutant hybrids that escaped from SL-21 last May. Mark your calendars and consider giving an animal a forever home!

If you can’t make it, there are many humane societies and shelters looking for warm-hearted animal lovers, just like you. For more information, you can start here: https://www.petfinder.com, but remember, adopt responsibly!

IT Security Training

Daphne will be giving online security certification training, for all you new employees. This includes personal social networks, so for those of you meeting online strangers in person (this includes your dating habits, Mr. Broots), this is for you! The class will be held in the Centre theatre at 2pm, on February 2nd.

Below are friendly reminders and some of the topics Daphne will be covering:

. Keep your passwords and all personal information to yourself (and not in a folder on your hard drive labeled “PASSWORDS”)
. Be wary of any suspicious emails you might get that appear to be sent from your bank. This scam called phishing can be used to obtain sensitive information such as passwords and credit cards. Copy and paste doubtful links is always good practice and always check the url.
. And no, Miss Naomi Surugaba doesn’t want to give you money. She wants your money instead!
. Your computer here at the Centre belongs to the company. It’s not your personal computer. Avoid saving private information, don’t leave the computer unattended, and clear your cookies – not the cookie jar, your internet cookies.

Many thanks,
Your IT Department

It’s Quiz Time…

If you dream of being the head of the IT department and you think you know everything about Mr. Broots, now it’s your time to prove it.

Click here to access the quiz. Cornelius will be proctoring to ensure there is no cheating and to verify that all answers are correct.

To gain points, please login with your username and password (or sign up to create a new one). If you get a perfect score, you will get the “I Ride a Bike to the Centre” achievement- who doesn’t want that???

BONSAI 101 WITH SYDNEY

Sign up today!

We’ve all seen Dr. Sydney taking care of his plant menagerie in the Centre Biodomes. Many have asked what his secret is to the pristine miniature trees, and he has finally agreed to teach a very special workshop on Bonsais.

Sydney will be helping you understand this intricate Japanese art and how to grow and keep these tiny trees in tip-top shape. Sign up today and don’t miss this chance! The workshop will be held 30 January at 3pm. Bring your own shaping materials… our extracurricular fund will supply free bonsais for everyone in attendance!

Happy Chinese New Year

For our friends in China, who are currently facing one of the most devastating economic and labour crisis ever, the New Year is not just the change of day on the calendar. It’s much more than that, and it lasts much longer than a ball drop on Times Square.

Of course the biggest celebration are the fireworks on New Year’s Eve, especially because fireworks are said to keep the evil away. But if you want to welcome the new year with a clean slate, you’d better clean your house (or your office, especially all you folks in SL-1… Brigitte has sent multiple complaints and frankly, we are tired of reading them) – it’s out with the old and on with the new!

New Year celebrations include Dancing Dragons around the 5th day of the new year. The dragon is a sign of prosperity, good luck and good fortune. Who wouldn’t want that?

Little known fact: legend has it that there was a wild beast that would come out at the end of each year. The villagers were attacked by the beast and would use loud noises and bright lights to scare it away.

The Festival of Lanterns marks the end of the celebrations, on the 15th day, with all types of lanterns being lit throughout the streets. Mr. Lyle will be in China for the whole month and will take part in all the festivities. We expect a full photo report!

WARNING

Your immediate attention is required. Reporter Abigail Cross from NetNews has been sighted trespassing Centre property, trying to get statements from the Tower and illegal footage.

As some should probably know, this reporter has been investigating the stinger missiles that hit a plane in Switzerland, killing hundreds of civilians, in what was an horrendous attack that the Centre condemns.

We warn all employees that you are not to speak to any reporters and you must alert Sweeper Team 6 to any unauthorized personnel in Centre property immediately.

THE CHASE BEGINS!

Rebirth

rebirth

Saving Luke

saving luke

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